The Hammer, Vol. LII
February 16, 2023 at 5:05 a.m.
This Just In From Denver: Due to recent revelations about its mile-high overhead, quarterback Russell Wilson’s charity has filed paperwork to change its title from the Why Not You Foundation to the All About Me Foundation.
Also Just In, Not From Denver: According to wire reports, a “massive sea lion mortality event” occurred last week on Peruvian beaches, possibly the result of infection with avian flu. No comment on the scary nature of that sort of interspecies spread. But we trust the hunt is well underway for Sea Lion Zero.
Speaking of Thick Skins: Health updates for Tokitae, the Salish Sea-born whale living in a concrete tank at Miami Seaquarium, regularly refer to the animal’s “BBI,” or Body Blubber Index. Raise your hand if you’ve now joined the Hammer living in fear that this will show up, in place of Body Mass Index, on a chart from our local primary care physicians in the near future.
Dome Sweet Dome: Quite the tale we’ve been tracking of the efforts to build “Oculis Lodge,” a crowdfunded supposed village of domes, each described as “your own private cocoon” in the moss-soaked woods up by Glacier. Suffice to say B. Hammer has grave doubts, given that the only permits on file to date are essentially for a single house with an accessory dome dwelling.
Just Asking: Does this mean there’s now a county zoning category called ADDs?
In Addition to That: The promo site for the alleged lodge describes the open-concept top of the alleged dome-icles, noting “Your Sky Is Your Ceiling.” They either don’t know or are not aware that, for about nine months of the year in the Cascade foothills, this is literally true. And unfortunately, that ceiling is about 18 inches.
Quote of the Weak: “It's been suggested my office filed the affidavits of prejudice for political reasons, and I want to make it clear that the actions my office took were not due to the results of the election. It's not about politics; this is about protecting the community and the state's ability to a fair trial.” — Whatcom County Prosecutor Eric Richey, whose firehose legal filing tactic to gain recusal of newly elected judge Jonathan Rands from 123 DUI cases, left unexplained for weeks, grandly contributed to the broad and ongoing assumption in many corners that the action was, indeed, political.
Five-Word Prospectus: Trunk rot, meet dome rot.
Bottom Line: Don’t everybody sign up at once.
Critically Important Historical Footnote: For those of you scoring at home, the “Vol. LII” header on this edition of The Hammer on CDN's website denotes, roughly, a year's worth of Hammering in this space. That represents a lot of ... something. Thanks for the follows.
The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and lives online starting Thursdays.